Negotiation Conflict Resolution Big Ideas

Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict (Summary)

by William Ury

Imagine trying to stop a civil war. As a mediator between Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez and his opposition, William Ury was at a dead end. Both sides refused a referendum, and the country was on the brink of collapse. Frustrated, Ury stepped back and mentally 'went to the balcony' to see the whole picture. He didn't just see two warring factions; he saw a 'third side'—the millions of ordinary people desperate for peace. By reframing the vote not as a victory for one side but as a vital choice for the people, he broke the deadlock and helped avert a war.

Go to the Balcony

The first step in any conflict is not to react, but to mentally step away from the stage of conflict. By observing the situation from a detached, calm perspective—the 'balcony'—you can see the dynamics clearly and avoid being drawn into an emotional trap.

During a tense nuclear arms negotiation, a Soviet negotiator launched into an angry tirade. Ury's instinct was to retaliate. Instead, he mentally 'went to the balcony,' paused, and let the emotional storm pass. This allowed him to respond calmly and strategically, keeping the crucial talks from collapsing.

The Path to Peace is a Simple Walk

Formal, face-to-face negotiations often reinforce opposition. The most significant breakthroughs occur when adversaries engage in simple, side-by-side activities, like walking, which shifts the dynamic from confrontation to mutual problem-solving.

To bridge the divide between a Black and a White leader during South Africa's apartheid, Ury didn't convene a meeting. He invited them for a long walk in a nature reserve. As they walked side-by-side, focusing on the path ahead, their conversation naturally shifted from entrenched positions to shared concerns, building a foundation of trust.

Build a Golden Bridge for Your Opponent

Don't try to push your adversary into a corner; make it easy for them to agree with you. Your job is to build them a 'golden bridge' to retreat across, one that allows them to save face while accepting a solution that meets your interests.

At the Camp David Accords, President Carter knew Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin couldn't be seen as 'giving away' the Sinai Peninsula. So they framed the withdrawal not as a concession to Egypt, but as a victory for Israel—a return to its biblical borders. This 'golden bridge' made the agreement politically possible for Begin to sell back home.

Activate the Third Side

Most conflicts are seen as a two-sided battle, but the most powerful force for resolution is the 'third side'—the surrounding community and stakeholders. Mobilizing this third side can change the environment of the conflict and create unstoppable momentum for peace.

In a Brazilian favela, two families were locked in a deadly, multi-generational feud. Ury didn't just mediate between the two patriarchs. He brought together the 'third side'—the mothers, local merchants, and religious leaders whose community was being torn apart. Their collective voice created overwhelming pressure for a truce that the two families could no longer ignore.

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