Psychology Self-Help Travel

Unpack: A Guide to the Emotional Baggage of Global Living (Summary)

by Lana Wimmer and Tanya Arler

You move to a new country and expect to lose your old address, but what you don't expect to lose is yourself. The most profound challenge of living abroad isn't navigating a new language or culture; it's grappling with 'hidden losses.' One day you're a respected manager, the next you're just 'the expat spouse' who can't open a bank account. You lose your professional identity, your social status, and the effortless shorthand of being understood, leaving you feeling invisible.

The Honeymoon Phase is a Mirage

The initial excitement of an international move—the new foods, sights, and experiences—often masks the deeper challenges of adaptation. This 'honeymoon' inevitably ends, leading to a crash where feelings of frustration, isolation, and culture shock surface.

An expat might spend their first three months in Paris marveling at the architecture and enjoying cafes, feeling euphoric. The crash comes when they have to deal with French bureaucracy to get a residency permit, feel constantly misunderstood in conversations, and realize they have no deep friendships, leading to a profound sense of loneliness the initial tourist-like phase completely hid.

A New Country Magnifies Old Problems

Moving abroad doesn't solve your personal issues; it amplifies them. The stress of acculturation strips away your usual coping mechanisms and support systems, forcing you to confront unresolved anxiety, relationship troubles, or insecurities head-on.

A couple with minor communication issues in their home country might find their relationship strained to a breaking point abroad. The stress of navigating a new life together, without the buffer of friends and family, means their small disagreements escalate into major conflicts about their future.

Grief is for More Than Just People

Global living involves a constant, low-grade sense of grief for the life you left behind. This isn't just about missing friends and family; it's grieving for your favorite coffee shop, the ease of driving on familiar roads, and your former sense of competence.

An American living in Japan might feel a sudden, intense wave of sadness when they realize they can't just go to a store and find their favorite brand of peanut butter. The feeling isn't really about the peanut butter, but a manifestation of grief for the comfort and simplicity of their old, familiar life.

Use the 'RAIL' to Navigate Your Transition

The authors offer a practical mindfulness framework—Recognize, Allow, Inquire, Let Go (RAIL)—to process the difficult emotions of expat life instead of suppressing them.

When feeling intense anger because a local shop closes for three hours in the middle of the day, instead of fuming, you can use RAIL. Recognize the anger. Allow yourself to feel it without judgment. Inquire why it's so triggering (perhaps it taps into a deeper feeling of powerlessness). Finally, Let go of the need to control the situation and accept the cultural difference.

Go deeper into these insights in the full book:
Buy on Amazon
Listen to the full audio book with an Audible Free Trial.
As an Amazon Associate, qualifying purchases help support this site.