Spirituality Men's Issues Relationships

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire (Summary)

by David Deida

Why does your partner test you with complaints or drama that seems to come out of nowhere? It’s not because she wants you to solve her problem or agree with her. She is testing your masculine core. She needs to feel that you are an unmovable rock in the chaotic sea of her emotions, so she can relax and surrender into her feminine essence. The moment you placate her or abandon your own truth, you both lose.

Your Purpose Must Come First

A man's deepest truth and mission in life should be his number one priority. If he sacrifices his purpose for his relationship to keep the peace, he loses his masculine energy, and both he and his partner will become deeply dissatisfied.

Imagine a man whose purpose is to be an artist, but his partner wants the financial security of him keeping his corporate job. If he gives up his art for her, he becomes weak and resentful. His 'gift' to her is a hollowed-out version of himself. The superior man continues on his path, loving her fully, but never abandoning his mission.

Lean Just Beyond Your Edge

True growth and freedom come from constantly pushing your comfort zone and leaning into the things you fear. This applies to your career, your passions, and your relationships. The practice is to feel the fear fully and act anyway.

If you are terrified of being rejected, your practice is to approach someone you are attracted to without hesitation. If you are afraid of financial insecurity, your practice might be to quit the 'safe' job to start the business you dream of. By constantly living at your 'edge,' you dissolve fear's power over you.

Your Partner Doesn't Want Another Girlfriend

Deep attraction is fueled by the polarity between masculine and feminine energies. A man's role is often to provide the stable, directional, 'masculine' pole, which allows his 'feminine' partner to be flowing, emotional, and radiant. When he meets her chaos with his own, polarity collapses.

When a woman is in a stormy, emotional state, the 'nice guy' might try to reason with her or become emotional himself. The superior man remains a calm, loving, and present container for her emotions. He listens deeply and holds her, providing a stable presence that allows her emotional storm to pass, deepening her trust and attraction.

Stop Waiting for Life to Be 'Done'

A superior man doesn't wait for a future moment when he will finally be free—when he has enough money, the perfect relationship, or retirement. He understands that freedom is available now by giving his unique gifts fully in this present moment, regardless of circumstance.

A man might think, 'I'll be able to relax and be happy once I sell my company for $10 million.' Deida argues this is a trap. The superior man finds freedom today by doing his work with purpose and love, whether he's making his first dollar or his ten millionth. The fulfillment is in the giving of the gift, not the outcome.

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