The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (Summary)
Imagine you are living in a dream. But it's not your dream—it's society's. From the moment you were born, you were 'domesticated' like an animal, taught to believe in a complex set of rules you never chose. These rules, or 'agreements,' dictate how you think, feel, and act, and they are the source of almost all your suffering. The problem? Most of us don't even realize we're living in this borrowed reality.
Your Words Are Magic Spells
The First Agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Words are not just sounds; they are a creative force that can either build a beautiful reality or destroy it. Using them impeccably means speaking with integrity and avoiding using them against yourself or others.
A mother, tired after a long day, casually tells her daughter who is singing happily, 'You have a terrible voice. Be quiet.' The little girl believes her mother and makes an agreement with herself that she is a bad singer. She never sings again, losing a source of joy for the rest of her life because of one careless 'spell' cast upon her.
Nothing Others Do Is Because of You
The Second Agreement is to not take anything personally. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you understand this, you become immune to their opinions and actions, freeing yourself from needless suffering.
If someone walks up to you and says, 'Hey, you are so stupid,' it has nothing to do with you. They are dealing with their own internal 'poison'—their anger, jealousy, or insecurity—and are trying to offload it onto you. By not taking it personally, you refuse to accept their poison, and it remains their problem, not yours.
Stop Writing Fictional Dramas in Your Head
The Third Agreement is to not make assumptions. We have a tendency to invent stories to fill in the gaps, and then we believe these stories are true, which leads to misunderstandings and pain. The antidote is to have the courage to ask questions and communicate clearly.
You send an important email to your boss and get no reply for a day. You start assuming the worst: 'She hated it. I'm going to get fired.' You create an entire drama based on this assumption. In reality, your boss was simply in back-to-back meetings and hadn't seen it yet. One clarifying question could have saved you a day of anxiety.
Your 'Best' Is Always Changing
The Fourth Agreement is to always do your best. This is a dynamic rule. Your best will be different when you are healthy versus sick, or happy versus upset. By simply doing your best in any given moment—no more and no less—you avoid self-judgment, regret, and self-abuse.
On a good day, your 'best' at the gym might be a 5-mile run. On a day you're feeling exhausted and ill, your 'best' might just be getting out of bed and drinking a glass of water. Both are your 'best' for that specific moment. Trying to force the 5-mile run when you're sick is a form of self-abuse, but accepting your current best brings peace.
