Psychology Women in Business Self-Help

The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assuranceā€”What Women Should Know (Summary)

by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman

An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed a startling statistic: men would apply for a job or promotion when they believed they met only 60 percent of the qualifications, but women would apply only if they met 100 percent of them. This single data point reveals a massive, hidden confidence gap that is actively holding women back more than any glass ceiling.

Confidence Is a Choice, Not Just a Trait

While about 25-50% of our confidence level is determined by genetics, the rest is the result of our choices. We can actively build confidence by rewiring our brains through consistent action, turning anxious thoughts into confident ones.

The authors highlight neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to change. By repeatedly choosing to speak up in a meeting, even when it feels terrifying, you physically strengthen the neural pathways for that action, making it easier and more automatic over timeā€”much like lifting weights builds muscle.

Act More, Ruminate Less

Women are more prone to ruminationā€”the act of overthinking and obsessing over past mistakes or future worries. This cycle paralyzes action and erodes confidence. The antidote is not more thinking, but immediate, imperfect action.

Instead of spending days agonizing over the perfect wording for an important email, a more confident approach is to draft it, get a quick second opinion, and hit send. The act of doing, and moving on, breaks the cycle of rumination and builds momentum.

Fail Fast, Fail Forward

Confidence isn't the absence of failure; it's the resilience to bounce back from it. Viewing failure as a data point for learning rather than a verdict on your self-worth is essential for taking the risks needed to grow.

Linda, a successful executive interviewed for the book, credits her confidence to her early days in sports. She learned that if she missed a shot in basketball, she couldn't dwell on it. She had to immediately get back on defense and be ready for the next play. This mindsetā€”treating a mistake as a momentary event, not a permanent identityā€”was crucial to her career success.

Praise Effort, Not Innate Ability

How we are praised as children profoundly impacts our adult confidence. Praising girls for being "good" or "smart" fosters a fixed mindset, while praising boys for "trying hard" encourages a growth mindset that embraces challenges.

Research by psychologist Carol Dweck showed that children praised for their intelligence shied away from difficult tasks to avoid the risk of appearing 'not smart.' In contrast, children praised for their effort were eager to take on harder challenges, seeing them as opportunities to learn and grow.

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